I couple days ago I thought this post would be of a different flavor. I thought I would be screaming from the rooftops, “I QUIT!” I thought I would be jumping for joy. I thought I would be writing a post about how I never wanted to go “back to school” again. But instead I feel melancholy.
816 for 5 years
In reality, I couldn’t say the words “I’m leaving” without tears. It was harder than I though it would be. When it comes down to actually saying goodbye, I’m always just a pile of mush. It doesn’t matter how ready I am to leave and move on.
Thinking about all this, it hit me…in my conscious exsistence I have NEVER not gone “back to school.” Never. I went from school, to undergrad, to masters, to teaching. I don’t know what a year is without a school year governing it. And no matter how much I have been looking forward to this, it is strange and scary. Like being cut loose without a map.
the daily walk to my room
Clearing out my classroom was hard. I kept feeling like I was forgetting something. I kept looking through the same cabinets making sure I had everything. I had all my stuff. I left memories, moments, growing up, pieces of my life, and attachments to the place left behind. I loved my classroom. A room of my own. Always messy with creative projects and piles of undone grading. Always loud with shouting and laughing. Always full of questions and frustrations. Sometimes a retreat. Sometimes a mosh pit.
And I liked the routine. It was boring and I did get tired of teaching the same things five times a day for five years, but there is something to be said for blocks of time, deadlines, and structure. I got used to it and found creativity within it. Now I need to create that for myself.
Okay! Enough moping! I just bought tickets to go to Europe for two months! I am excited to be starting something totally new and totally based on my passions. I am still searching for a routine that will make this all work, but it will come. I know it will.
Looking forward. What will I now be doing?
Painting and running Seek Your Course. I got an artist residency in Spain for a month. So along with backpacking through Europe with Ben I will be in Europe for two months this fall. It is going to be an amazing journey. And I will blog about every bit.
I have 8 days left to raise the rest of my funds for my residency. I am confident I will get there.
Celebrating with delish vegetables: Vegetable and Goat Cheese Chimichangas and Matt Bittman's Creamy Fried Tofu with dipping sauce and asian stir fried vegis!